


you are the sea and my heart belongs to you.

by lushology



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: F/F, M/M, jj is a dancer, jjpope but dark academia, that feeling you get when you miss home but you don't have a home
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27424144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lushology/pseuds/lushology
Summary: My soul is full of longing // for the secret of the sea // and the heart of the great ocean // sends a thrilling pulse through me.
Relationships: JJ/Pope (Outer Banks), Kiara & Pope (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron/Kiara
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	you are the sea and my heart belongs to you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamypope](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamypope/gifts).



> jj is a dancer! might make this much longer.  
> check out my tumblr (midsommers) for more!  
> any and all comments are appreciated.

When I was seven and Kiara was nine, Dad took our hands and drove us to the coast. The car was blue and small and not ours, I don’t know who’s.

The air by the ocean was all blue and sharp, like salt. We had just said goodbye to summer and now it was fall, my favourite. I tied my jacket around my neck like a cap and as I ran, it shifted down to my shoulders, all lopsided. The hills roll up and down into the sea, the grass all soft and green like carpet.

The trees are soaked in orange and red, spotted yellow. Kiara likes spring best so she tumbled down the hill and to the sand, where it sifted into her shoes and stayed there until she pulled them off. Her braids were loose and almost breaking apart, the pink band slipping off the end. The wind blew through my hair and for a moment, I think about how I need a hair cut even though I’m seven and don’t need to worry about that. Dad is waiting for the rain to hit but it doesn’t for hours. Kiara had put butterfly clips in my hair before we left and I reach my hand up to make sure they’re still there.

I was yearning for the sea. I wanted to be loved by it, wanted to be pulled under and wrapped tightly in the waves.

Kiara calls to me, Pope, come to the beach. I live the hills goodbye and skip down towards her, giggling as my feet move faster than I want to go. I trip and fall into Dad, he hooks his arms under mine and pull me up so I’m closer to they sky and he says, Pope, remember this because you are part of this island and it is part of you. Hold it close and love it with every piece of you.

I nod, because I am only seven and I don’t know yet, that I will spend every year of my life since then thinking about it.

* * *

The first time I kissed JJ, the first time JJ kissed me, he tasted like figs. Always his favourite, the rich purple seeping into his bones. There was basil there too, green and spring on his lips.

He sets himself into me. His hip molds into mine and our knees knock together under the blankets. He whispers my name and hums a song. JJ presses me against him and puts the butterfly clips in my hair, pink and blue, and kisses each one. He says, Sarah won’t be back for a week and it’s just you and me. I’m not listening, I’m staring at the stars in your eyes.

One of us should say something but we’re too busy looking at each other. Your tattoo on your wrist is bright against your pale skin and I reach out to touch it. He doesn’t flinch at touch like he used to and lets his wrist go limp in my hands. I should kiss him but JJ’s smoking a cigarette and I don’t want to taste like nicotine. I flick a strand of hair behind his ear and doesn’t flinch. JJ’s boots are leaning against the bedpost, the laces snaked across the floorboards. The green of his eyes felt low and glowing in the darkness of the room, like jewels against harsh dirt. The smoke clouds around his face for a moment and fades away.

I thought you stopped, I say.

I tried, he says. It didn’t work.

I want to say, JJ, you can’t keep doing it. (I don’t).

His hair is longer than its ever been, he’s letting it grow long. The freckles across his cheeks reach his ears and stop under the earring hole. The unbuttoned pink blouse JJ is wearing is mine, it was, months ago. 

Do you want wine, I say. JJ barely nods but I know, yes.

Don’t too much, you call to me, even though I know you don’t mean it.

We need to clean the attic, before Sarah comes home.

* * *

We were seventeen, I think. I took him to the coast, the same spot where Dad and Kiara and I went when I was seven. We had borrowed Sarah’s car and I drove, JJ leaning against the window and watching the valley run past, his hand on my leg. He didn’t say anything until he got there so I just listened to his breath and to the radio. There was a song that we loved in school and now, that played when we passed a barn and I wanted to hear JJ sing but for a moment, when he didn’t, I thought he didn’t like it anymore. Only then did I notice him tapping the tune against my lung and when the song ended, I linked our fingers together, for a while.

As soon as we step out onto the grass, heading down the hills and towards the beach, I shout what my dad had said to me. 

Remember this because you are part of this island and it is part of you. Hold it close and love it with every piece of you.  
JJ smiles at me. He says to me, I am longing to be with you, and by the sea, where we can talk together freely and build our castles in the air. I can’t remember what it’s from and he must know so he says, Dracula and I nod.

When I came with Kiara and Dad, it was September but now November is beginning to kiss the earth and take us in its arms.

Do you miss who you were, JJ asks.

I miss everything, I say.

Sarah is making sheppards pie for dinner, and she said to be back by then. I said we would but now, I don’t want to because JJ looks so soft and sharp against the sky.

I used to want to sleep in the sky and let the ocean drown me, let the sun soak into my skin and pull me away from the city. 

The scarf JJ has wrapped loosely around his neck is mine. His jacket had slipped off of one shoulder, down past his hand. He twirls and tilts his head up the sky. He shouts. Lets the scream rip from his throat and hit the wind. He turns and smiles at me, twists his fingers around mine and pulls me into him.

I love you a lot, he says.

I wish I could say I knew that but I never did, I could only hope. He looks so beautiful and angelic beside me, in a messy and wild way.


End file.
